Are you ever truly happy with what you have, or are you always looking over the fence, convinced someone else has it better? You might be falling prey to the Relative Satisfaction mental model – a deeply ingrained human tendency that can significantly impact our happiness and decision-making. Let’s dive into what this means and how to use it to our advantage.

1. What is Relative Satisfaction? #

Relative Satisfaction is the tendency to determine your level of contentment not by objective measures or inherent value, but by comparing your circumstances to those of others. In essence, your happiness isn’t based on “Do I have enough?” but on “Do I have more than the Joneses?”

This mental model stems from several fields. In economics, it’s related to “keeping up with the Joneses” and status competition. In psychology, it connects to social comparison theory, which suggests we have an innate drive to evaluate ourselves by comparing ourselves to others. From a sociological perspective, it’s tied to the influence of social norms and the perceived hierarchy within our groups.

2. How It Works #

Imagine a ladder. Each rung represents a level of wealth, success, or happiness. Relative Satisfaction dictates that you don’t care so much about which rung you’re on; you care about where you are relative to the people around you.

Here’s a simplified framework:

• Baseline: Your actual situation (income, possessions, skills, etc.).
• Comparison Group: The people you choose to compare yourself to (neighbors, colleagues, social media contacts, etc.). This is CRUCIAL.
• Perceived Gap: The perceived difference between your baseline and the comparison group. A positive gap (you have more) leads to satisfaction; a negative gap (you have less) leads to dissatisfaction.

It’s like this: you might be perfectly content with a $100,000 salary… until you learn that all your colleagues earn $120,000. Suddenly, that perfectly adequate salary feels inadequate. Nothing changed about your salary itself, only your perception of it, influenced by the comparison.

3. Examples of the Model in Action #

Here are a few examples showing the power of Relative Satisfaction:

• Business: A company might offer a pay raise to all employees, but if some employees receive significantly larger raises than others, those receiving smaller (but still positive) increases might feel dissatisfied, even though they’re objectively better off than before. This can lead to decreased morale and productivity.

• Personal Life: You buy a new car that’s perfectly functional and meets all your needs. You’re initially thrilled! But then your neighbor buys a newer, fancier model. Suddenly, your car seems less impressive, and your satisfaction dips.

• Investing: An investor might be happy with a 10% return on their investments… until they hear about a friend who achieved a 50% return. Even though the 10% is a solid gain, the investor experiences regret and dissatisfaction due to the relative success of someone else.

4. Common Misunderstandings or Pitfalls #

One common pitfall is choosing the wrong comparison group. Comparing yourself to billionaires on Instagram will almost always lead to feelings of inadequacy. Another mistake is focusing solely on external markers of success (wealth, possessions) while neglecting internal metrics (well-being, relationships, personal growth).

People also often assume that more is always better. They chase an ever-shifting benchmark of “enough,” perpetually feeling behind. The hedonic treadmill, a related concept, suggests that we quickly adapt to new levels of wealth or achievement, so any boost in happiness is only temporary.

5. How to Apply It in Daily Life #

Here’s how to harness the power of Relative Satisfaction for good:

• Be Mindful of Your Comparisons: Actively question who you’re comparing yourself to and why. Is it a healthy comparison? Is it even realistic?
• Focus on Internal Metrics: Define success on your own terms. Prioritize well-being, strong relationships, personal growth, and contributing to something meaningful. These internal metrics are less susceptible to the fluctuations of social comparison.
• Practice Gratitude: Regularly acknowledge the good things in your life. Focusing on what you have rather than what you lack can shift your perspective and increase your overall satisfaction.
• Curate Your Environment: Be selective about the content you consume and the people you surround yourself with. Limit exposure to sources that trigger feelings of envy or inadequacy.
• Embrace Progress, Not Perfection: Focus on personal growth and improvement rather than chasing an unattainable ideal. Celebrate your progress and acknowledge your accomplishments.

6. Related Mental Models #

Relative Satisfaction is interconnected with several other mental models:

• Social Comparison Theory: As mentioned earlier, this theory directly explains our innate drive to compare ourselves to others.
• Hedonic Treadmill: Highlights how our happiness levels tend to return to a baseline, regardless of positive or negative life events. It explains why chasing external markers of success can be ultimately unsatisfying.
• Availability Heuristic: We tend to overestimate the likelihood of events that are easily recalled, such as success stories we see on social media. This can skew our perception of what’s “normal” and fuel relative dissatisfaction.
• Inversion: By considering what would make you less satisfied, you can often clarify what truly matters to you.

By understanding and applying the Relative Satisfaction mental model, you can gain greater control over your emotions, make more conscious decisions, and ultimately cultivate a more fulfilling and authentic life. Don’t let the green grass on the other side of the fence fool you. Tend your own garden first.